Vexed

Posted: February 22, 2012 in @SCRiMiE, flash
Tags:

They say it was the straw that broke the camels back. I’m not sure exactly what it was that triggered my infarction. Moments before all had been well and then suddenly without obviously warning my heart was substantially detrimentally different. Where before hope coloured the lens through which I perceived the world, now all manner of thing was, from that myocardial marker, distorted and opaque to me. They say that the ancients believed that life itself was in the blood. It was a hernia in my chest which arrested and interrupted my day, threatening every day thereafter. More days have past since that day than I am now able to re-collect. I simply lie here waiting. Occasionally I hear a familiar voice or the touch of someone who I know I have touched before. As I concentrate on tuning in to that brief sense inevitably their presence fades and I am again left alone. In this in between place all is not well. I lie here searching for memories of someone or something to remember but my mind presents itself as a canvas repainted with gesso for the next instalment. I wait in this place of nothing, disconnected and suddenly I realise I might be dead! Is this what death is like? How long has it been since I encountered the familiar. Have I ever or did I simply wish I had. Suddenly I feel much worse than I did before. I consider whether I have ever felt this way but I cannot remember and even as I dwell on what was previously it washes over me again waves of forgetfulness. They thieve from me all sense of memory and I am left waiting on the shore of nothing. Suddenly I am aware of a light pulsating and warm somewhere in my periphery. It is approaching me and the tension and torment that I was feeling fades too and I think this must be it. I must have died. Am I really dead? It seems unreal. A woman touches me and I see in my mind a familiar face and suddenly the image disappears but her touches remain and then it fades. I search myself again for her face but it too has gone. I cannot remember. Is this hell? The light is almost upon me and I feel fear. I cannot feel my body but my alertness is acute as if waiting for an inevitable impact and then just as suddenly as my consciousness identified the presence of the light it too has gone and I am again alone here in this place of nothing. All is not well and all is not well and all manner of thing remains unwell.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s